Why can't I write a cover letter?

So, recently received email about fabulous post-doc opportunity. It is a great fit for my research interests, at a prestigious university, in a relatively kick-ass location, balance of teaching and research, closer to family, and the supervisor is amazing. I spoke with him about it at the recent conference I attended. I need to submit my materials tomorrow. Why am I having so much trouble drafting this cover letter? I feel like a stupid idiot loser. I am seriously struggling with this letter. I worked hard today (on lots of school crap). Then I took a few hours when I got home to chill, knit, catch up on some Netflix, clear my mind of the stress, and try not freak. So, now I am supposed to be working on this letter. I really need to send the materials tomorrow and tomorrow is supposed to be a serious writing day (and a stupid faculty meeting day). So I thought I would blog away some stress. All those out there, cross your fingers for me on this. I really need this to work out. Really really.

Update: So, materials sent off tonight. It's almost 1 in the am and I am wide awake. I need this postdoc. I am going to try not to obsess over it this upcoming week.

I am a freak

Your Score: Freak- INFJ

33% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 73% Judging

Well, well, well. How did someone like you end up with the least common personality type of them all? In a group of 100 Americans, only 0.5 others would be just like you. You really are one of a kind... In fact, I do believe that that's one of the definitions for the word "FREAK."

Freak's not such a bad word to describe you actually.

You are deep, complex, secretive and extremely difficult to understand. If that doesn't scream "Freak!" I don't know what does. No-one actually knows the REAL you, do they?

You probably have deep interests in creative expression as well as issues of spirituality and human development.

You've probably even been called a "psychic" before, because of your uncanny knack to understand and "read" people without quite knowing how you do it. Don't fret. You're not actually psychic. That would make you special and you'll never accomplish that.

You're also quite possible the most emotional of them all, so don't take this all too hard. Nevertheless you most definitely have the strangest personality type and that's not necessarily a good thing.

*****************

If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.

*****************

The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(UltimateMaster)

Get a dictonary, kids.

Is it really to much to ask for students to understand the word pervade?
Is that word above the level of a college student (an upper level college student).
I used that word on essay question on test (the reason behind the multiple blog posts in a 2 hours block is that I am proctoring exam for my students) and I got 3 questions on what does pervade mean? That's 10% of the class. Also, one of the students phrased it like this:
"You wouldn't by chance know what pervade means, do you?"
Does he realize I wrote the exam? Of course I know what it means!

If women ruled the world

Excerpt of Why Women Should Rule the World by Dee Dee Myers on msn.com:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23308727/?GT1=10856

I need another book to read like I need a whole in my head, but this is a tempting book. Anyone out there read it and willing to give a review?

From Amazon.com:
What would happen if women ruled the world?

Everything could change, according to former White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers. Politics would be more collegial. Businesses would be more productive. And communities would be healthier. Empowering women would make the world a better place—not because women are the same as men, but precisely because they are different.

Blending memoir, social history, and a call to action, Dee Dee Myers challenges us to imagine a not-too-distant future in which increasing numbers of women reach the top ranks of politics, business, science, and academia.

Reflecting on her own tenure in the Clinton administration and her work as a political analyst, media commentator, and former consultant to NBC's The West Wing, Myers assesses the crucial but long-ignored strengths that female leaders bring to the table. "Women tend to be better communicators, better listeners, better at forming consensus," Myers argues. In a highly competitive and increasingly fractious world, women possess the kind of critical problem-solving skills that are urgently needed to break down barriers, build understanding, and create the best conditions for peace.

Myers knows firsthand the responsibilities and rewards of taking on leadership roles traditionally occupied by men. At thirty-one, she was appointed White House press secretary to President Bill Clinton—the first woman ever to hold the job. In a candid look at her years in Washington's political spotlight, she recalls the day-to-day challenge of confronting a press corps obsessed with more than just the president's policies. "Virtually every story written about me included observations about my earrings, my makeup, my clothes, my shoes. And then there was my hair."

Recalling the pressures—both invited and imposed—of her West Wing years, Myers offers a hard-hitting look at the challenges women must overcome and the traps they must avoid as they travel the path toward success. From pioneering research in the laboratory, to innovations in business, entertainment, and media, to friendships that transcend partisanship in the U.S. Senate, she describes how female participation in public life has already transformed the world in which we live.

Is the side pony back?

Seriously? In my class today (of 30 students, mind you), 2 ladies were rockin' the side pony hairstyle. I have noticed that one of these two habitually rocks the side pony. It is deliberate and consistent. The other is more of an occasional offender and often looks like the accidental side pony (more low slung, looser bound, closer to the mid line of head (as in the actual pony).

What am I supposed to do with that. I want to tell them they look ridiculous, like a 1980's slumber party gone bad, but then I wonder, maybe I am uncool and don't know its back. Is it back?

Update: Accckkk! A third side pony, a sneaky one that I didn't see earlier. That means that exactly 10% of my class rocked a side pony today. Where do I teach, 1988 College?

Oh you set up your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded

For anyone who reads my blog, I have chosen to remain mostly anonymous. I have said I am somewhere in the northeast, at a primarily teaching school, located in a fairly remote area, untenured, but on the tenure track. I have even (for the time being) been relatively quiet on my discipline preferring to use pseudonyms and hypotheticals. I feel a bit that I have to protect myself and I don't think that I could be as honest about my life (or honest at all) if certain people knew about this blog. I couldn't blog about hating my job (which I do) or being on the job market (which I am--of course how that is going is a whole separate blog post) if my colleagues read this blog. I couldn't blog about my depression or extreme stress if my family or friends read this (I expect a few of them would be on a plane within 24 hours after reading some of these posts. I love that they want to save me, but I have to save myself--I can't rely on them to hold me up.)

In truth, I used to blog. I had a blog on blogger. I did all of about 6 posts in about 6 months. My family and friends knew of the blog and commented on my few posts. I felt very restricted. It seemed all I could talk about was small-talk minor issues (my dog, how unpacking is going (the blog went up soon after I took this job), getting used to weather changes...). The blog was boring and I myself would go periods of forgetting that I even had the blog. I thought that might happen again with this blog, but I am closing in on 100 posts fairly soon (a milestone I never expected to hit). There is something safe about anonymity. I feel like I can be myself. I guess I am a fairly private person especially when things are troubling me or stressing me out. I am selective about who I share information with for fear of getting burned.

So, if you come across this blog and think you know who I am, please don't ruin the one place I feel safe to share what is going on in my mind. If you do some sneaky computer hacking stalking and find out who I am, please let me keep this place my own. I am grateful for comments, advice, and thoughts of those who read and find something interesting to comment on here in my blog, but let me remain a mystery.

I should note, this blog post was titled "Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class" and I got way off topic. I got off topic because I wanted to apologize for the obtuse nicknames I have given my classes (e.g., Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class, Introduction to Basic Understanding), but the obtuse names come out of wanting to keep the details of me underwraps. One of the blogs I read has the cleverest code names for things (psycgirl, perhaps--she has clever code names for her research projects and colleagues). My names are equally anonymous, not so clever. I will work on cleverness.

So, I still owe myself (and the blogosphere) a blog about Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class, but as this got very off topic I chose to make this blog about being able to mentally purge on this blog and so re-named it after one of my favorite indigo girls songs, Mystery.

For your enjoyment:
Indigo Girls, Mystery:
each time you'd pull down the driveway
i wasn't sure when i would see you again
yours was a twisted blind sided highway
no matter which road you took then
oh you set up your place in my thoughts
moved in and made my thinking crowded
now we're out in the back with the barking dogs
my heart the red sun
your heart the moon clouded
i could go crazy on a night like tonight
when summer's beginning to give up her fight
and every thought's a possibility
and the voices are heard but nothing is seen
why do you spend this time with me
maybe an equal mystery

so what is love then is it dictated or chosen
(handed down and made by hand)
does it sing like the hymns of 1000 years
or is it just pop emotion
(handed down and made by hand)
and if it ever was there and it left
does it mean it was never true
and to exist it must elude
is that why i think these things of you
i could go crazy on a night like tonight
when summer's beginning to give up her fight
and every thought's a possibility
and the voices are heard but nothing is seen
why do you spend this time with me
may be an equal mystery

but you like the taste of danger
it shines like sugar on your lips
and you like to stand in the line of fire
just to show you can shoot straight from you hip
there must be a 1000 things you would die for
i can hardly think of two
but not everything is better spoken aloud
not when i'm talking to you

oh the pirate gets the ship and the girl tonight
breaks a bottle to christen her
basking in the exploits of her thief
she's a very good listener
maybe that's all that we need
is to meet in the middle of impossibility
we're standing at opposite poles
equal partners in a mystery
(handed down and made by hand)

we're standing at opposite poles
equal partners in a mystery

Pissed and scooped! Part 2

So, recently I blogged about an upcoming conference and that fact that I had been scooped, even perhaps cheated out of a research idea. Since I posted the blog, I found the email that I had sent back and forth with another graduate student where he calls it 'my idea' and it was from 2003 and I found the thought paper I wrote where I originally proposed the idea (in Fall 2002). The idea was mine. But in fairness, I never did anything with that idea.

I decided not to talk to his adviser (who is my friend about it). It would put her in an awkward situation (and I don't want that).

So, at the conference he comes up to me and says that another graduate from our alma mater said he should come talk to me because I have thought about these issues before. So, he acknowledged that I had this idea and to his credit had a ingenious test of the idea. We see things a bit differently, but I think he has some good ideas there and the research is important. I left feeling a bit good and less cheated. I offered up the possibility of working on ideas later or collaborating on an idea that would bridge his ideas and mine down the road.

When you combine this experience with the fact that I recently reviewed an article that was very closely related to my dissertation. (A crappy version of my dissertation, that all reviewers and editors thought should be rejected) and you add that at this recent conference I presented some work from my dissertation and was mobbed (relatively) by people interested in the topic, I NEED TO GET TO THE WRITING. For serious. Thinking up great ideas will not get me tenure (or another job). Tomorrow is a writing day so I will see how much I can get done in my allotted research time tomorrow.

My sweetiebear

I don't really have a sweetiebear. Of course, an avid Buffy watcher will recognize sweetiebear from a spike quote in one of the last few episodes (Spike: "The pretty necklace your sweetie-bear gave you. The one with all the power. I believe it's mine now.").

So, I don't have a sweetiebear. I was supposed to post a match profile by middle of this month (but haven't yet). I have a friend that has had some luck meeting guys there. She is pretty serious with a guy that she met there. She thinks I should do it. I told her I would post a profile by next week. Yikes.

But, I have a sort-of sweetie bear. We met through grad school/colleague/professional/conference-y things a few years ago. I had a mad crush on him for awhile. He is probably one of my closest friends from my grad school days that I didn’t actually meet in grad school. He is adorable—freakn’ adorable. And smart. He reads a lot (not just related to our profession). He makes me laugh. And he calls me 'kitten' which might sound condescending or demeaning, the sort of 'pet name' that I would hate. But I know him, and it comes from this sweet place and I can hear him smile when he says it. I hear his voice in his emails (I mean that he writes like he talks) and it puts me at ease.

A bit ago we were at a conference together. We typically spend a lot of time together at the conference. We were in our hotel room for hours just talking one afternoon. It was really nice. It was probably one of the best conversations I have had in a long time. A sentiment I shared with him after he revealed that it was one of the best conversations he has had in a long time as well. So, until there is someone new--he can be my sweetie bear!

I have long argued that people intend judgment when they ask for your musical preferences..

See this
Here is some flava from the article (Esquire, Chuck Klosterman)(in case the link breaks):
But whenever I do find myself meeting a stranger for the first (or second or third) time, I'm struck by how often they ask me one specific question: "What kind of music do you like?" For many years, I did not know how to answer this. I experimented with a litany of abstract responses: "rock," "active rock," "hair metal," "disco metal," "girl metal," "everything," "nothing," or whatever I suspected the other person might not actively hate. But (I think) I've finally found a response that is both accurate and honest: Whenever someone asks me what kind of music I like, I say, "Music that sounds like the opening fourteen seconds of Humble Pie's 'I Don't Need No Doctor,' as performed live on their 1971 album Performance: Rockin' the Fillmore." Beyond being true, this reply also has the added bonus of significantly changing the conversation (or ending it entirely).

But I'm starting to suspect this seemingly innocuous inquiry (and my unnecessarily specific answer to this unspecific question) might be weirder and more complex than I originally assumed. When someone asks me what kind of music I like, he is (usually) attempting to use this information to deduce things about my personality; this is (usually) the same reason we casually ask people about what TV shows they watch or which NBA franchises they support or what political movements they align with. It's the normal way to understand who other people are. But here's the problem: This premise is founded on the belief that the person you're talking with consciously knows why he appreciates those specific things or harbors those specific feelings. It's also predicated on the principle that you know why you like certain sounds or certain images, because that self-awareness is how we establish the internal relationship between a) what someone loves and b) who someone is. But this process is complicated and (usually) unconsidered.... These explicit elements, it would seem, are (or must be) the sonic qualities that I most like about music. But why is that? (1) Is it because of something Peter Frampton has personally achieved? Is it because those chords are simply the clearest, most aggressive amalgamation of early-seventies boogie rock? Does my relationship to this piece of music have something to do with my own specific life experience? Is it because of the random anatomical construction of my inner ear? Even if I'm having a purely visceral reaction—in other words, if the only real reason I love those fourteen seconds is because "they rock" (or whatever)—there still must be something about the musical introduction to "I Don't Need No Doctor" that triggers the (normally dormant) part of my brain that longs to be rocked. It's sort of the ultimate question about being alive: What makes us love things? Is it possible to know?

The author goes on to list a series of songs (or more accurately snippets and parts of songs) that he likes including;

• The vocal sequence from Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" where she sings and talks to herself at the same time, which starts at about 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the song.

• Pretty much all the bass playing on "Paperback Writer" and "The Ballad of John and Yoko."

• The closing 1:02 of AC/DC's "It's a Long Way to the Top (if You Want To Rock and Roll)," when Angus Young's playing devolves into an inverted riff-o-rama in response to the bagpipes.

• The way the vocals are mic'd on the Pet Shop Boys cover of "Always on My Mind," which sound as if they were recorded in an abandoned Vatican City cathedral.

• The combination (and separation) of all the instruments during the last 1:25 of R.E.M.'s "Nightswimming."

To end the article:
These songs' only unifying element is that I have written about them in this column; essentially, the sole unifying element is that I personally like them.

This is why I hate small talk.

When people at cocktail parties ask me what kind of music I like, I generally assume they don't care what my answer is. I assume we're both just killing time. But let's assume they do care: Even then, our conversation is doomed. I have been actively thinking about this question for nine consecutive days, and I've probably thought about it unconsciously for the last twenty years. I can isolate and answer this question more specifically than anyone I've ever met. Yet not only does my answer fail to reflect anything meaningful about my personality, it doesn't even reflect what I fundamentally like about music. Because I can't answer that question. Nobody can.

It has me wondering, what is on my list? What is on yours?

All that was left undone

So ongoing to-do list that won't die:

1. Find latest copy of Masters/Research draft--reread [pushed off until tomorrow--a more research/writing day]
2. Meet with GA--get GA working on lots of stuff I need done
3. 13 items left to be written for exam (write at least 7)[--If I can get all 13 done by tomrrow, I am going to treat myself to a visit to Arty KickAss Nearby City (AKNC) for sushi and anonmity]
4. Plan out timing for next few lectures of: Introduction to Basic Understanding class [Eh, I can wing it...I have taught this class more times than I can count. They have an exam next Thursday (a week from tomrrow) so I will worry about the timing of the lectures for next week. I am not too behind? I hope?
5. Work on exam for Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class [Worked on it, still needs work. Must be done by Thurs at 3]
6. Blog about complex feelings about Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class [This blog is coming, but not here yet]
7. Prepare survey for Introduction to Basic Understanding class

I kinda hate M/W days. I teach at least 5 hours each day (some days 7 based on a weird scheduling issue]. Today it's 7. Which means when you add in one hour of office hours, I have an 8 hour day of nothing but teaching. Of course, I should probably be trying to do some work, not blogging.

Okay, so in the hour before my next class, I am going to try to tackle:
Making a few items for #2.
Print materials for lecture.

Update: Woo-hoo, 4 more items done for exam I am writing (this is a paid assignment and really something that I need to get out for money reasons). Only 9 items left to be written. I am really going to try to write the rest today/tonight so that I am not working on this Thursday/Friday

Trying desperately not to freak out...

Need to be productive. Afraid. Setting some publically (somewhat, as no one reads this) accountable goals.

1. Find latest copy of Masters/Research draft--reread
2. Meet with GA--get GA working on lots of stuff I need done
3. 13 items left to be written for exam (write at least 7)
4. Plan out timing for next few lectures of: Introduction to Basic Understanding class
5. Work on exam for Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class [Worked on it, still needs work. Must be done by Thurs at 3]
6. Blog about complex feelings about Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class
7. Prepare survey for Introduction to Basic Understanding class

Today, is supposed to be a writing day, but I am behind in my courses. I know I only have the energy for about 3-4 more hours of work today.

Current update: Attack of the Publisher Reps--Got ambushed by book rep. He was very nice, not particularly knowledgeable (he just took over for a merger of two major publishing houses, so he wasn't as down as I was), going to send me lots of books (yea!). As he left, he gave me gift certificate to our local coffee house, what a peach! I know that it is to make me like him and order his books, but I also like being paid (in coffee) for my time. Of course, now I it is nearly 5pm and I am way behind in this growing list of things to be done.

Next update: Almost an hour later, going home. An 8 hour on campus day is enough. going to take a bit of a break at home with some TV and dinner. Then back to work tonight. Must cross a few things off the list. Also need to read for tomorrow mornings class. Damn.

Also, still pissed at student who came by asking demanding my notes from a class she missed. This student has had classes with me before. My syllabus clearly explains that I do not give students my notes. I finally just had to respond, "I don't give out my notes." to each whine she was giving out until she finally left. Ugh.

Or perhaps this...

Assume an Awesome, if you have it not.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes:

My man Shakespeare

I owe him little Awesome and less love.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes:

The week ahead....

So, most weekends I run away from TinyTown to Arty KickAss Nearby City (AKNC) to escape, to enjoy sushi & anonymity, to run all the errands I can’t run here in town. This weekend I stayed home. I didn’t get as much done as I should have, but I feel mostly prepared for the week ahead. I am going to need to put in an hour before each of my advanced classes tomorrow to do the reviewing I didn’t do today, but I feel I am mostly ready for classes. I did some work this weekend. Crossed some things off the to-do list. Feeling slightly good about that, but I have some major projects to accomplish that I have not begun.....ah the stress.

Neat

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Totally freaked out....

So, earlier this week, I was sitting on the couch curled up next to the space heater watching episodes of Dexter on my netflix. Then I started to see waves or flashes out in my 'periph' (Dane cook fans, anyone?). At first I thought it was heat waves from the space heater. But when I got far away from the turned off heater, the flashes/waves were still there. So, then I figured it must be something in my contact. Took out my contacts--still there. It was there no matter where I looked, it was there when I closed my eyes. I was really freaked out. Turns out, it was a symptom of a migraine called a migrane aura. It tripped me up a bit because it occurred with no pain.
I think it was actually an ocular migraine (because it only occurred in one eye). I was so scared. It was to late to call anyone--I am trying to avoid calling my folks when stuff happens. I feel this need to be independent--that calling them with my troubles means that I am not handling things well.
It really made me miss having someone boyfriend-y in my life. Someone who could have googled the symptoms (while I was in bathroom freaking out wondering if I lost an old contact in my eye or if I was going to go blind), someone to hold my hand--that would have been nice.
So, this is probably the second migraine I have ever had (the other had no visual freakiness--just intense headache (I was crying it hurt so bad), light sensitivity, nausea). Ironically this one occurred while I was driving cross country to see my parents for Christmas holidays. Luckily, kid sister was with me and she took over the driving for me. That makes for 2 migraine headaches in 2 months.
Of course, among the recommended treatment is avoiding stress and being relaxed.
At least I am not alone. I am going back and reading some new blogs (from the blog's beginning) and found this. So, I should probably put down the computer and get a good's night sleep. Untenured Professor, who I learned from recent blog posts just received tenure (kudos to her), found this article saying some headaches are more common in those with more education. Fricken PhD.

Another school shooting...

Northern Illinois University; 7 dead

I can't figure out if school shootings are getting more common. I know the odds are insanely rare that this would happen at my school, but it feels scary in a way that I never thought academia would feel. My thoughts (with so many other peoples thoughts) are with NIU.

Random Bullets of Red Tape

1. The Rambler wants to meet with me tomorrow to discuss some 'rumors about people that didnt get tenure this year.' The optimisitic interpretation is that he wants to assure me that I'll get tenure and explain why they didn't (note: they are not in my department). The slightly cynical interpetation is that he wants a new faculty member not be stressed or fearful becuase he doesn't want to institute a new job search if I leave (yet, his previous behavior negates this intreptation). The way cynical interpretation is that he wants to gossip. He claims this will take 5-10 minutes, I bet the meeting easily lasts an hour.

Update: Meeting took about 15 minutes. Felt like gossip wrapped in reassurance

2. I am on a committee. We are supposed to do X task. We are allotted a week to two weeks to do X task each time it comes around. I was given X task on Monday. I just got an email tonight (wednesday) asking if I was done with X task. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck!

3. Recieved a survey that I am supposed to fill out. Sent from upper level administration, supposedly part of a national survey, but my responses are linked to a particular log-in address. Doesn't feel very secure. Seem pretty obvious that people could trace this back to my name. Lots of personal questions that I don't think are the buisness of TBU.

Really, today couldn't be a snow day?

Damn, I wanted a snow day today. My Wednesdays are beastly and coming off of conference travel (which included 24 hour delays and lost luggage) has really put me behind. When you add in the fact that last night I had to make a 4 hour round trip errand (one that, if I was more on top of my life, would not have been necessary at all)--I was not willing to take it easy on my class this morning. It's an advanced senior level course with weekly readings and expected, regular, thoughtful discussion. Yet, out of my handful of students, half are great and half (my best guess) barely read for class. It is easy to tell, the suck half contribute less and in ways that are less risky (they come up with a requested personal example to illustrate a point I already explained). But today, I just didn’t have the energy for kick-the-ball-drag-half-the-class, so I assigned them one of the readings they were supposed to be prepared to discuss in class, gave them 25 minutes to review their notes on it, and told them to come back ready to share with the class the main points:
1. I summarized Review Article 1, I covered all the main points clearly and concisely, but of course I am Dr. Awesome and I expected it would be a bit more difficult for them.
2. Angel # 1, offered to do one article without a partner (odd number of students in class that day), it was an empirical article and she covered it quite well. She is quickly become my go-to-student. It is a bit surprising because there are two other students that I thought would exceed her, but she is doing excellent in the class. I had to highlight an important point or two that she glossed over, but in general it was a fine summary.
3. Angel 2 and 3, they presented another empirical article. Their summary was a bit more 'read' and they were a bit less clear, but generally it was a good summary and clear they had read before class. I am not surprised, these two are the other two stars in the class. They asked me today if we could kick out some members of the class, and I am pretty sure they mean Devil 1 and Devil 2.
4. Devil 1 and 2: First, Devil 1 told me he couldn’t do one of the articles (I was trying to give him the easier empirical article that Angel 1 and 2 did as opposed to the lengthy review article he wanted) and Devil 2 said that she hadn't read ahead in the class, I explained that this reading was one they were supposed to be discussion in class today, so she should have read it already. For their summary, they basically rehashed the abstract and made vague statements like X has an effect on Y without ever discussing the nature of that effect or the evidence for that effect. Devil 2 barely spoke at all.
5. Finally, I gave a quick final summary to a brief empirical article that remained.
Next week we are going to have sit down meetings and I am going to lay into these two devils about their crappy participation.
Why couldn't today have been a snow day.

Emails I wish I could send...

Email I recently received from a student...
Dr. Awesome,
This is Totally Oblivious**, I am a student in your Introduction to Basic Understanding class. I went to go take the test today and nobody was there. So I went to your secretary and she told me class doesn't meet on Fridays. I didn't know the class meets on Thursdays!?!? The reason I thought that the test was Friday is that I thought we had classes on Friday. I was not aware that we did not have class on Friday because I missed the first week ok your class because I was not scheduled in it yet, and I missed last week because one of my classmates, Also Oblivious (no relation), told me that we did not have class that day, so I thought it was just cancelled for one day. Is there anything I can do to make up this test. If there is could you email me back at who_am_I_kidding@schoolname.edu Thank you for your time.

Email I wish I could send:
Dear Totally,
So, I have announced in every class since the beginning of the semester that we would have an exam on this Thursday which leads me to believe that you have not attended a single class. Despite the fact that your class-skipping should have alloted you significant time to peruse the syllabus, you failed to accurately identify when the class meets, dates of the exam, or my policy for students who miss an exam for no other reason than pure stupidity, general ignorance, or failing to put in even the minimal amount of effort to their own education.
I have two suggestions for you:
RTFS, Read the syllabus
Drop this course. If you cannot manage to know when the class meets or when the exam is--there is no way you could pass the exam.
You are a disappointment.
Dr. Awesome


**Names and other details change to protect me

RBOC

*My mind is a bit too scattered to write concisely, so RBOC it is...
*I am obsessed with The Killers song Mr. Brightside lately. I have been listening to lots of their songs off of Hot Fuss and enjoying them a lot. I wouldn't have thought that their music would suit my style, but I am really liking them.
*I recently re-read some of my blog posts. Basically, I found I couldn't quite recall something, but I knew I had blogged about it. The post was embroiled in lots of drama and, as such, was linked to many other posts I had made. I felt powerful after reading my thoughts. I felt like I had reminded myself of something and it fired me up. I had lost my fire about the issue, and I need it. I need the fire to make the changes in me and in my situation. My blog became this friend/lover that I share my life with--the kind that has your back and reminds you why you felt a certain way. It made me want to blog more. So, I am going to try to write a bit each day. I can't guarantee that will lead to a post every day--it may take me a few days to finish the thoughts I have, but I hope it will lead to more blogging and more tracking of my life. If I have goals I am working toward (and I do), hopefully this will help me assess my progress toward them.
*I am currently in an airport--stranded overnight. I am going to blog the adventure later. As for now, I will say that my flight should be taking off in 5 hours and I have been here for 4 hours so I am minutes away from the halfway point. Kudos to me.

My letter to rateyourstudents...

As I have mentioned before, I love , love , love Rate your students. It has been my saving grace, my source of sanity and laughs, and a cathartic release of all my frustrations. But I have also disagreed (at times vehemently) with postings. Recently, I was so freaken mad that I almost wrote in. I have yet to write in to RYS. They verify people and I have a unsubstantiated fear that one of the gang that runs the compound will be here at TBU or know someone at TBU.

So here is the letter I was going to write in (a bit expanded for my blog's sake):

Recently, a young professor posted this --basically a request for help and advice. Were her ideas a bit Pollyanna at times (wanting students to view the course as more than just a course), a bit naive at times (expecting there might be a way to get all students to show on time, every time), and a bit misguided (wanting the students to think she is cool)? Yes. And I felt those things as soon as I read her post. At its heart, these aren't the worst things. A bit Pollyanna is better than cynical and bitter, right? Naive and optimistic must be better than pessimistic, right? And weren't we all misguided at the start? It was only from sage advice from those who came before us or getting through that first semester we taught that helped us realize that students didn't need to like us to learn or that them liking us might actually make things worse.

This post stirred up lots of feelings in others as well.

I wanted to share some of my reactions to the responses because it is the responses that made me almost write in (not the original post). I am going to include some snippets (or flava) of the reactions below:

Some gave helpful advice:
"* Some if not many of your students will feel your class is important. Others won’t. There’s not a hell of a lot you can do about it. Show you care about the material and they’ll come to their own conclusions. Some students are on this earth to recycle air. You won’t reach them. So what? Focus on the majority of them who really are worth a damn and ignore the ones who aren’t." [I love the phrase 'on earth to recycle air']
"*Every class is going to be "just another class" for most of the students in it. That doesn't mean you can't teach the shit out of it. No one ever, in the whole history of everything, ever seemed even "a little cool" by wanting to. You don't have to be cool to teach your students. You don't have to be cool for them to like you."

Or practical advice:
"*Make it a portion of the student's grade to submit, each class, a question or comment from the readings for class discussion. This will require that they do at least some of the reading. Some students still will not do it. Some will take the lower grade, and some will make up stupid questions 5 minutes before class. But, you will be able to tell who those students are and grade them accordingly."

Some addressed the misguided posts with harshness and humor:
"*There are so many things wrong with your point of view but let us start with the most obvious, the idea that you can get all of your students to show up on time, bring their books, and be prepared? You’ll be lucky if they even buy the books rookie! This imaginary fantasy student that you speak of is much like a cat that you train to use the toilet. Everyone has seen a clip of one on Youtube, or heard of a friend of a friend who had one. However every cat you ever have will just pee on your bed and crap in your plants."

But some were down right mean. I would have cried if I had posted the question and got the following responses, and I almost cried reading them even though they weren't directed at me. Here is the worst of the meanest:
"*Here's my response: Dumbass."
"*I absolutely know how to get ALL my students to come to my classes on time, every time. They love it so much they want to be there even AFTER class is over! But since I am most likely one of the lousy professors you had, focusing on minutiae (which, you dipshit, is necessary in my field), I am not going to fucking tell you the secret."
"*Just get your shit together, and teach. Given the desperate narcissism of your post, I can see why your students don’t come to class. I probably wouldn’t, either."

And one that was fairly condescending, but redeemed by offers of scotch:
"* It's so cute to see naiveté bud and blossom. When the students kick cynicism into your veins come on over to my house. I'll save some scotch for you."

There are more posts there, but my response was most strongly to the mean posts. If I could have written in to RYS, it would have sounded something like this:

How quickly you forget. We were all new at this game once. Some of us are new know, desperately tying to find our way, to do a better-than-good job, to get tenure or a job that we can stand, to feel good about our day, to find happiness in a job that we suffered through a decade of college to get. Why are those past this newbie stage so willing to cut the throats of the ghosts of their former selves? For me, RYS has to be a place where I get all the things my job doesn't provide me. I need this virtual water cooler to make me feel better about my day (love that smackdown), to laugh, and to find solace. When I see people with such vitriol, it breaks my heart and spirit. Don't ruin a good thing and consider giving a handout (instead of a bitchsmack) to those that follow in your footsteps.

Hmm...

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

Why don't I have 43 things

I am supposed to do my list of 43 things and I have not been able to do so. I thought I was just too tired to blog, but I fear it is much more. I think I don't know what I want. Sure I have a few things that I want to put on the list: I want to visit Scotland, England and Ireland and I want to learn sign language (I know some, but I am not fluent), but I don't think I know 41 more things that I want. Currently, I want a new job, I want to move to a town that provides me some semblance of a social life, I want to be 'not single'. I don't know if I want to get married or have kids (I go back and forth), but I know that life is just to hard to be on your own. This weekend for example, I will go 48 hours without seeing another person or talking to another person. I have friends I could call--friends who would be glad to hear from me. I could call my family as well, but my life doesn't depend on doing so. I want to share my life with someone; I want someone to share their life with me. [The lack of subject-verb agreement in that sentence is bothersome. It should read "I want someone to share his life with me." I guess it is good that good grammar is on my mind, sometimes bad grammar just sounds 'right.'] How can I feel like a good and worthy person if no one wants a part in my life?

I guess I am getting a bit off track, I think 43things should be serious, life-long things, not banal, unimportant, tiny things. I checked out the site; the most common things are (in top ten order):
1. lose weight2. stop procrastinating3. fall in love 4. write a book 5. be happy6. get a tattoo7. drink more water8. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination9. get married 10. travel the world

I definitely want to lose weight. I could stand to lose 40 or 50 pounds. I am sure I could procrastinate less, drink more water (who couldn't) or be happier (I am probably depressed officially now. I debate trying to see someone or get on anti-depressants). I don't want write a book, but I am pulling together ideas for a screenplay. I covered my feelings on traveling the world, getting married, and falling in love above (albeit briefly). As for road trip with no predetermined destination--I am not much for driving (or car trips for that matter), and the best road trips really are determined by the company. Besides, gas prices being what they are, it might be more cost efficient to just pull out a globe/map point to a city at random and buy a plane ticket. Finally, I don't have a tattoo--which makes me a bit of a rare bird among those in my age group. Sometimes, I think about tattoos--but I think I have enough things to regret. I am lucky that those things I regret are not displayed in ink across my skin. I am not sure that there is a symbol, phrase, or picture that I want embedded in my skin indefinitely. How will all of those 'tramp stamps' look when these women are 70 years old. It is weird to think of old women with tattoos. They make erasable tattoos now--tattoos that are erasable with just one laser treatment. So, maybe sometime, years from now I might get one....but for now, I like being a clean slate, a blank canvas. And, I find them very unattractive on men.

Other interesting things I saw on 43 things:
-Be grateful for 5 things daily (I am just to 'dark and twisty' for that.)
-Finish my phd (well, I can count that off my list)
-Learn to play the guitar (I was learning for awhile, but guitar broke and haven’t got it fixed).
-Run a marathon (I do think about this occasionally)
-Have better posture (I definitely should do this)
-Visit all 50 states (I have been to (if we count all travel including driving through) 18 states with one more later this month).

I need another online thing to manage like I need a whole in my head. I don't blog enough as it is so I guess I am not making my list anytime soon.

I think I need to go to bed.