For anyone who reads my blog, I have chosen to remain mostly anonymous. I have said I am somewhere in the northeast, at a primarily teaching school, located in a fairly remote area, untenured, but on the tenure track. I have even (for the time being) been relatively quiet on my discipline preferring to use pseudonyms and hypotheticals. I feel a bit that I have to protect myself and I don't think that I could be as honest about my life (or honest at all) if certain people knew about this blog. I couldn't blog about hating my job (which I do) or being on the job market (which I am--of course how that is going is a whole separate blog post) if my colleagues read this blog. I couldn't blog about my depression or extreme stress if my family or friends read this (I expect a few of them would be on a plane within 24 hours after reading some of these posts. I love that they want to save me, but I have to save myself--I can't rely on them to hold me up.)
In truth, I used to blog. I had a blog on blogger. I did all of about 6 posts in about 6 months. My family and friends knew of the blog and commented on my few posts. I felt very restricted. It seemed all I could talk about was small-talk minor issues (my dog, how unpacking is going (the blog went up soon after I took this job), getting used to weather changes...). The blog was boring and I myself would go periods of forgetting that I even had the blog. I thought that might happen again with this blog, but I am closing in on 100 posts fairly soon (a milestone I never expected to hit). There is something safe about anonymity. I feel like I can be myself. I guess I am a fairly private person especially when things are troubling me or stressing me out. I am selective about who I share information with for fear of getting burned.
So, if you come across this blog and think you know who I am, please don't ruin the one place I feel safe to share what is going on in my mind. If you do some sneaky computer hacking stalking and find out who I am, please let me keep this place my own. I am grateful for comments, advice, and thoughts of those who read and find something interesting to comment on here in my blog, but let me remain a mystery.
I should note, this blog post was titled "Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class" and I got way off topic. I got off topic because I wanted to apologize for the obtuse nicknames I have given my classes (e.g., Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class, Introduction to Basic Understanding), but the obtuse names come out of wanting to keep the details of me underwraps. One of the blogs I read has the cleverest code names for things (psycgirl, perhaps--she has clever code names for her research projects and colleagues). My names are equally anonymous, not so clever. I will work on cleverness.
So, I still owe myself (and the blogosphere) a blog about Introduction to Advanced Sub-Discipline class, but as this got very off topic I chose to make this blog about being able to mentally purge on this blog and so re-named it after one of my favorite indigo girls songs, Mystery.
For your enjoyment:
Indigo Girls, Mystery:
each time you'd pull down the driveway
i wasn't sure when i would see you again
yours was a twisted blind sided highway
no matter which road you took then
oh you set up your place in my thoughts
moved in and made my thinking crowded
now we're out in the back with the barking dogs
my heart the red sun
your heart the moon clouded
i could go crazy on a night like tonight
when summer's beginning to give up her fight
and every thought's a possibility
and the voices are heard but nothing is seen
why do you spend this time with me
maybe an equal mystery
so what is love then is it dictated or chosen
(handed down and made by hand)
does it sing like the hymns of 1000 years
or is it just pop emotion
(handed down and made by hand)
and if it ever was there and it left
does it mean it was never true
and to exist it must elude
is that why i think these things of you
i could go crazy on a night like tonight
when summer's beginning to give up her fight
and every thought's a possibility
and the voices are heard but nothing is seen
why do you spend this time with me
may be an equal mystery
but you like the taste of danger
it shines like sugar on your lips
and you like to stand in the line of fire
just to show you can shoot straight from you hip
there must be a 1000 things you would die for
i can hardly think of two
but not everything is better spoken aloud
not when i'm talking to you
oh the pirate gets the ship and the girl tonight
breaks a bottle to christen her
basking in the exploits of her thief
she's a very good listener
maybe that's all that we need
is to meet in the middle of impossibility
we're standing at opposite poles
equal partners in a mystery
(handed down and made by hand)
we're standing at opposite poles
equal partners in a mystery
I am...
