ProfGirl's amazing idea

So, profGirl is one of the blogs that I read regularly...In a blog from a few days ago, she discuss her avoidance of making New Year's resolutions. Instead of resolutions that don't last (and they never do), she picks a theme. I fell in love with this idea instantly. As she describes it, the theme is "sort of like a mantra...a focal point for what I hope to achieve and how I want to live my life." [Side note: I hope it is okay to be quoting her here....go read her blog, she's awesome]. What an amazing idea, a guiding theme around which you focus your life--making decisions and engaging in behaviors that guide you to where you want to be and the person you want to become.

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want, what I have, and the vast discrepancy between the two. Being on the job market (read: and fearful that my vitae is not going to get me the job I want), has opened my eyes to the professional changes I would like to make. The massive amount of free time I have here have opened my eyes to the personal changes I would like to make. I hope, hope, hope, hope, hope that this year marks a huge change for me--I would love to spend the Spring semester at TBU, the Fall semester at some new, more promising job.

So, inspired by her blog, I am going to come up with a theme. According to profgirl, "I don't choose themes on the spot, but rather tend to realize that I'm already working toward them. They represent whatever has become important to me, and the choice to more consciously follow that path."

So, potential themes for me for the year 2008.

1. ProfGirl's current theme is completion (inspired in part by completing old manuscripts). My life (and my pile of unfinished manuscripts) could benefit from completion. I have a pile of manuscripts (and a weak looking vitae)--this will become increasingly more crucial if I do not get a job this year. I have had considerable fear of sending out manuscripts and I strongly feel that if I don't send some out soon, I will never send them out, never get a better job, die miserably alone and sad. [I might be exaggerating, but I need to make some improvement here] Further, I have several 'around the house' tasks that need completion. Finally, similar to ProfGirl, I need my life to be more complete. I am not sure what she meant by this, but for me, I need a more fulfilled life. I am afraid that I cannot get a more full life in tiny town, but I need to try. Of course getting a new job would dramatically help here, but I have done all I can do--just a waiting game now.

2. Possible theme: health. For me, this would encompass both physical and mental health. For physical health, I would include eating better (more veggies, less junk, more tofu, less meat, etc.), working out more (I feel about 50 pounds overweight, I am winded when I shouldn't be, I need to be more active and heart-healthy), I would also like to be more flexible. I think being more physically healthy and active would make me happy. Mental health, this is a toughy-I am pretty miserable at TBU. I cry. A lot. More than I should. I am finding less enjoyment in things that I used to like. I pull away from friends and family. I am less productive at work. I don't sleep well. I overeat. I am discouraged about who I am and where I am going. I am concerned about what would happen to my mental health if I do not get a job offer. I guess I am feeling somewhat optimistic (I typed would happen not will happen) about one of my job applications panning out. The thought of another year here is unbearable. If I end up staying here, I think I will need to see a therapist-something I almost did last year, but avoided doing. So physical and mental health would be a good guiding theme.

3. Positivity. I guess this would be related to mental health, but this would be a bit distinct. I feel like I need to be more positive, less focused on the negative, more focused on the glass half full. I complain too much. I dwell. I should find more gratefulness in my life.

4. Unnamed. I have been avoiding doing things, letting dishes pile up in the sink, avoiding laundry. I think it is part a depression issue--it makes me feel blah and avoid work. I avoid school work and sending unpleasant emails. I have been too ostrichy and too lazy....can I call this potential theme No lazy ostrich behavior?

Well, I too am going to think about this...I feel like it will come down to option 1 and 2....oddly both hinge so much on whether I get a job and leave this place.....

See, that's summing up in a weird way

• Too tired for a coherent, well organized blog, so its RBOC time.
• Quote I am enjoying now: "Love is right around the corner, waiting to mug me" -- I hate my 30's (a, I believe, now cancelled show on vh1). Don't think that needs much of an explanation.
• Phrase I love: "call a spade, a spade"
• Well, I applied to NDJ, nearly dream job, and this weekend got the letter from them indicating that they got my materials. I had been hoping for a timeline expressed in the letter (i.e., doing phone interview first week in Jan, on campus interviews late Jan, etc.), but no such luck. I almost had a heart attack opening that letter.
• School countdown is in place. I only have a few more classes to teach, a countable number of meeting times--then I can kiss these kids adieu. My advanced students are doing presentations and turning in final project, so the grading begins anew tomorrow.
• My final exams are written. Kudos to me for getting that done so early.
• I am leaving town in about 2 weeks, excited to be returning to hometown city. I have plans to see friends.
• I received a manuscript to review. I have been avoiding it because I fear the authors scooped me. From my initial look at it, my project is a better designed version, but it is so scary. I need to write more, I need to submit articles for publication. I have let another semester go by where I just collect data and haven't attempted to publish. So disappointed with myself.