I have so much on my mind

What do I want to blog about first?

I guess what I am most angry about should go first. I read some blogs frequently, but I am religious about my reading of Rate Your Students. I am climbing an uphill battle with some students and I feel better when I realize I am not alone and that I don't have it as bad as others. That having been said, a recent post has me pretty pissed. This post argues that Junior faculty should just suck it up and be happy where they are and not do their respective schools a disservice by looking for and taking a better job. WTF? Really? That is the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard.

What about fit? When I was on the job market, I couldn't have a conversation with a faculty member or administrator that didn't mention 'fit.' It is arrogant and self-focused to assume that a person could choose a job that is a perfect 'fit' for them after a brief interview (some of mine were less than one full day, all were less than two full days). It is not just the interviewee on his or her best behavior. The faculty strategically pick who should interact with the interviewee, putting their best, brightest, or perhaps least orny faculty members into the limelight. And the students we meet on interviews are always top 5% students, the best, the brightest, the most involved and not necessarily the most representative. Labs are cleaned, offices are straightened, and everyone is polite. Then you arrive on the job and within a year experience this, this, this, and of course my melrose place drama, summed up here. What I bought when I took this job is not what was advertised. I should get the opportunity to evaluate the 'fit' from my end. Hell, I am evaluated by every student that shows up to the day I pass out evaluations in every course. My chair and dean pour over these evals scrutinizing every word to decide how good of a teacher I am overall. That means the worst of my students get equal voice to my most respectful students. Just this week alone, I had a student call me a stupid B!T@H. This student gets an equal voice in evaluations that my chair takes to heart. Further, I am observed in roughly 10 hours of teaching time each semester. Finally, I am on a one year renewable contract. You guys here at TBU evaluate me and decide if I get to keep my job every year. The administration meets with every member of my department individually to discuss my (mainly) pros and (very few, thankfully) cons. So you are doing plenty of evaluation about me--Why don't I get to evaluate you? Why don't I get to make the decision each year if I stay--you get to voice your decision each year about if you want to keep me?

I left hometown city to take this job. I left every friend I have (almost all are within 4 hours of hometown city), I left a thriving social life where I actually got to date and enjoy the company of men, I left my family. I started over new somewhere alone. I think sometimes people forget how hard that is to do when you are alone. I didn't have a husband to help unpack and I spend each Friday and Saturday night alone. TBU is located in the tinniest town in the world (that, of course, is an exaggeration). But it is not an exaggeration to say that I can count on one hand the number of single men in this town (not counting students, because that is against the rules, and because YUCK). I have less than 3 friends in town. You would think with such a small, safe, quiet little town, everyone would have been knocking on my door bringing me vegetables from their garden or pie. How many people have came by to say hello to me in the years I have lived here. Zero. Not one. Not a single neighbor. You get the feeling that it is high school all over again (not high school for me, which I enjoyed because of the dear friends I left to come here--more like high school stereotypes with the cliques and unfriendliness and loneliness--lifetime movie high school). Everyone has friends and there is no need to let the new kids in town play in your sand box. So I have no friends here and no chance at any dating or social life.

So the person who wrote the post in question at RYS said this:

" [I] let loose on some selfishness I saw among a group of junior faculty who were spending a good deal of time congratulating one another on working in tenure track jobs while slaving like mules to get better jobs in more attractive situations - close to Mommy, warmer weather, a place where their own peculiar preciousness will be admired by all."

Kiss my ass! There. You want to 'let loose' on someone like me--go for it, because I have been pushed around enough. Now I get to let loose. If I want to be closer to my family, Ill do it. When my dad went to the hospital last week because he collapsed at work and people thought he was having a heart attack--I was over 25 hours away. There was nothing that I could do. I couldn't help my mom, and I couldn't be there--It was like I wasn't even part of the family. How dare you criticize someone for wanting to support and be close to those they love. My parents are partially responsible for my getting through graduate school and in my family we take care of each other. It is what we do.

I don't want my 'peculiar preciousness to be admired by all', but some fricken' courtesy would be nice. Don't scream at me in front of my department (happened this semester) and don't call me a stupid B!XCH (a student on Monday).

Most 'non-junior' faculty I know are not at the first position they took. How quickly they forget. They went back out on the job market and found a job that worked for them--but I am supposed to stay in a place that I am unhappy both personally and professionally. I am a lot of things, but I am not a masochist and I am not that weak.

Mountain man disappoints again

So, mountain man, you continue to disappoint. After a particularly sucky performance on your first major paper (no understanding of style (despite the multiple lectures and book devoted to this topic that you were assigned to read), grammatically poor writing, unclear, failure to do the necessary components of the paper (that were neatly summarized in a handout for you), you set out to work on the final paper for the semester. I instructed all of the students, you included, to choose a topic that was related to course material (my area of expertise). You have decided to ignore this request despite my warnings that I could not do you as much good as a guide to this paper if I am unfamiliar with the area. To be fair, I cast a very wide net of things that were considered 'my area'.

Mountain man, why do you come to my office with questions ("How can I narrow this down?, Can I discuss this aspect of X component?, Is this a good hypothesis?)--This is an entirely novel area of study for me. After advising as best I could, why do you fail to take my suggestions.

I explain to you that you need to begin reading the articles that you have and you say you are going to find 20 more sources.

I explain that you should outline and summarize what you read as you go, and you insist you read all of the articles and then sit down to write the paper.

I explain that it is difficult to have a hypothesis for this paper if you haven't first read the literature that is out there, you insist as soon as you have figured out your hypothesis, you will sit down and work on literature review.

Are you trying to make my head explode. Just when I thought I had it bad, I found this post on RYS. Enjoy--it sure made me feel better about my difficult students.

Where have I been?

Been busy. Will write more later.

I havent blogged too much about my knitting, but I will soon.

Also, added myself to RAVELRY today...so far I am 47, 314th on the list. I heard once before that they are invting 500-600 people a day...so maybe I will hear from them within 94 days! Sheesh!
One cool thing is that becuase this is new and still in the testing invite stage, I feel kinda cool for getting in early.

Things I will blog about in no particular order:
1. The disappointments of Mountain Man
2. Momma's visit last weekend.
3. The Rambler's latest
4. Job jitters stuff

Dr. Awesome

Update: I cannot read. I am number 47,314 on the list, but there are only 13914 people in line ahead of me. According to their blog a few weeks ago, Oct 1-8, they sent out 4650 invites. So this should mean that I get an invite in about 3 weeks (if they continue at that speed) and a few more weeks maybe 4-6 if they have a few slower weeks. Contrary to the, 94 days (13.5 weeks) I projected earlier.

It is so hot in my office

I am hiding out in my lab space. My lab space here at TBU, is pretty limited---and they have me jumping through so many hoops I haven't had time to unpack the piles of crappily organized research that sit around me organize it the way I would like.

This is one of the few parts of our shabby building that has ac, so here I am. I have a meeting at 6. So I hope to leave campus by 7pm--in and of itself, is pretty crappy because I got here this morning not much after 7.

So, while I am here (after this brief decompression), I will work on teaching statement, research statement, vita, cover letters. I have a few job ads that I want to get out last week ASAP. I am not particularly excited about any of them. They are only exciting in that they are not here. Damn Close to Dream School's (from here on out, DCDM) deadline is late Nov. But at least getting these ads out will force me to be ready for later, greater ads.

On a plus note, after an ass-kickingly hard day, I am ready for rest of week. I have to give Midterm exams Wed and Thurs. Exams are ready--secretary will be copying them tomorrow. Lectures ready (have a lot to cover before exam, so will the students in the back row stop flirting and start listening).

On a super-plus note, my mom is coming to town this weekend. I cannot wait to have her here. Even if it means monster cleaning my place.

As I prepare materials for looming job applications

I love love love postsecret. This was one a few weeks ago, it feels like me.

How I met your mother is awesome.

Barney: When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.

Delurking, Tracking and Being so busy I could cry

I am too busy to blog, too busy to eat, too busy to feel not like I am going insane, too busy to catch up on all I have to do, but I came across this:



on several blogs I read. The idea (If I understand it correctly, that people are to stop hiding and make comments). Well, I have recently commented on two blogs (one actually before delurking day, by coincidence). So now I ask those who lurk around on my blog to say hello.

Over the past two months or so since I started blogging and reading blogs regularly, I felt way less alone--it has provided comfort that I never expected and greatly appreciate.

So, let me know if you have something to say to me....or just say hi.

P.S. Anyone who can tell me a simple way for me to track who comes to my blog (Remember, I am new to blogging--it was a big deal for me to learn how to do this) will be my new blog-hero.

I hate hate hate hate you, Student Academic Center

SAC,
You suck! I realize you are there to help students be successful, but how does screwing me over help in that regard. Several of my students qualify for your services for things, such as extra time or a quiet environment for test taking. I appreciate that fact, and are glad you are there to provide such services. But for Pete's sake, first, I have to ask you to make sure the students complete the test on a scantron (Despite the instructions on the exam which indicate what they should bubble in said scantron). Then for this second test, you send me 8 student exams--one written in pen (scantron won't read that) and 6 scantrons stapled to the test--why stapled? Are you trying to break the exam grading machine and my spirit with one fell swoop. I hate hate hate you.
Best,
Dr. Awesome