I am supposed to do my list of 43 things and I have not been able to do so. I thought I was just too tired to blog, but I fear it is much more. I think I don't know what I want. Sure I have a few things that I want to put on the list: I want to visit Scotland, England and Ireland and I want to learn sign language (I know some, but I am not fluent), but I don't think I know 41 more things that I want. Currently, I want a new job, I want to move to a town that provides me some semblance of a social life, I want to be 'not single'. I don't know if I want to get married or have kids (I go back and forth), but I know that life is just to hard to be on your own. This weekend for example, I will go 48 hours without seeing another person or talking to another person. I have friends I could call--friends who would be glad to hear from me. I could call my family as well, but my life doesn't depend on doing so. I want to share my life with someone; I want someone to share their life with me. [The lack of subject-verb agreement in that sentence is bothersome. It should read "I want someone to share his life with me." I guess it is good that good grammar is on my mind, sometimes bad grammar just sounds 'right.'] How can I feel like a good and worthy person if no one wants a part in my life?
I guess I am getting a bit off track, I think 43things should be serious, life-long things, not banal, unimportant, tiny things. I checked out the site; the most common things are (in top ten order):
1. lose weight2. stop procrastinating3. fall in love 4. write a book 5. be happy6. get a tattoo7. drink more water8. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination9. get married 10. travel the world
I definitely want to lose weight. I could stand to lose 40 or 50 pounds. I am sure I could procrastinate less, drink more water (who couldn't) or be happier (I am probably depressed officially now. I debate trying to see someone or get on anti-depressants). I don't want write a book, but I am pulling together ideas for a screenplay. I covered my feelings on traveling the world, getting married, and falling in love above (albeit briefly). As for road trip with no predetermined destination--I am not much for driving (or car trips for that matter), and the best road trips really are determined by the company. Besides, gas prices being what they are, it might be more cost efficient to just pull out a globe/map point to a city at random and buy a plane ticket. Finally, I don't have a tattoo--which makes me a bit of a rare bird among those in my age group. Sometimes, I think about tattoos--but I think I have enough things to regret. I am lucky that those things I regret are not displayed in ink across my skin. I am not sure that there is a symbol, phrase, or picture that I want embedded in my skin indefinitely. How will all of those 'tramp stamps' look when these women are 70 years old. It is weird to think of old women with tattoos. They make erasable tattoos now--tattoos that are erasable with just one laser treatment. So, maybe sometime, years from now I might get one....but for now, I like being a clean slate, a blank canvas. And, I find them very unattractive on men.
Other interesting things I saw on 43 things:
-Be grateful for 5 things daily (I am just to 'dark and twisty' for that.)
-Finish my phd (well, I can count that off my list)
-Learn to play the guitar (I was learning for awhile, but guitar broke and haven’t got it fixed).
-Run a marathon (I do think about this occasionally)
-Have better posture (I definitely should do this)
-Visit all 50 states (I have been to (if we count all travel including driving through) 18 states with one more later this month).
I need another online thing to manage like I need a whole in my head. I don't blog enough as it is so I guess I am not making my list anytime soon.
I think I need to go to bed.
