Email I recently received from a student...
Dr. Awesome,
This is Totally Oblivious**, I am a student in your Introduction to Basic Understanding class. I went to go take the test today and nobody was there. So I went to your secretary and she told me class doesn't meet on Fridays. I didn't know the class meets on Thursdays!?!? The reason I thought that the test was Friday is that I thought we had classes on Friday. I was not aware that we did not have class on Friday because I missed the first week ok your class because I was not scheduled in it yet, and I missed last week because one of my classmates, Also Oblivious (no relation), told me that we did not have class that day, so I thought it was just cancelled for one day. Is there anything I can do to make up this test. If there is could you email me back at who_am_I_kidding@schoolname.edu Thank you for your time.
Email I wish I could send:
Dear Totally,
So, I have announced in every class since the beginning of the semester that we would have an exam on this Thursday which leads me to believe that you have not attended a single class. Despite the fact that your class-skipping should have alloted you significant time to peruse the syllabus, you failed to accurately identify when the class meets, dates of the exam, or my policy for students who miss an exam for no other reason than pure stupidity, general ignorance, or failing to put in even the minimal amount of effort to their own education.
I have two suggestions for you:
RTFS, Read the syllabus
Drop this course. If you cannot manage to know when the class meets or when the exam is--there is no way you could pass the exam.
You are a disappointment.
Dr. Awesome
**Names and other details change to protect me
Showing posts with label Harshing my mellow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harshing my mellow. Show all posts
Sunday, February 10, 2008
My letter to rateyourstudents...
As I have mentioned before, I love , love , love Rate your students. It has been my saving grace, my source of sanity and laughs, and a cathartic release of all my frustrations. But I have also disagreed (at times vehemently) with postings. Recently, I was so freaken mad that I almost wrote in. I have yet to write in to RYS. They verify people and I have a unsubstantiated fear that one of the gang that runs the compound will be here at TBU or know someone at TBU.
So here is the letter I was going to write in (a bit expanded for my blog's sake):
Recently, a young professor posted this --basically a request for help and advice. Were her ideas a bit Pollyanna at times (wanting students to view the course as more than just a course), a bit naive at times (expecting there might be a way to get all students to show on time, every time), and a bit misguided (wanting the students to think she is cool)? Yes. And I felt those things as soon as I read her post. At its heart, these aren't the worst things. A bit Pollyanna is better than cynical and bitter, right? Naive and optimistic must be better than pessimistic, right? And weren't we all misguided at the start? It was only from sage advice from those who came before us or getting through that first semester we taught that helped us realize that students didn't need to like us to learn or that them liking us might actually make things worse.
This post stirred up lots of feelings in others as well.
I wanted to share some of my reactions to the responses because it is the responses that made me almost write in (not the original post). I am going to include some snippets (or flava) of the reactions below:
Some gave helpful advice:
"* Some if not many of your students will feel your class is important. Others won’t. There’s not a hell of a lot you can do about it. Show you care about the material and they’ll come to their own conclusions. Some students are on this earth to recycle air. You won’t reach them. So what? Focus on the majority of them who really are worth a damn and ignore the ones who aren’t." [I love the phrase 'on earth to recycle air']
"*Every class is going to be "just another class" for most of the students in it. That doesn't mean you can't teach the shit out of it. No one ever, in the whole history of everything, ever seemed even "a little cool" by wanting to. You don't have to be cool to teach your students. You don't have to be cool for them to like you."
Or practical advice:
"*Make it a portion of the student's grade to submit, each class, a question or comment from the readings for class discussion. This will require that they do at least some of the reading. Some students still will not do it. Some will take the lower grade, and some will make up stupid questions 5 minutes before class. But, you will be able to tell who those students are and grade them accordingly."
Some addressed the misguided posts with harshness and humor:
"*There are so many things wrong with your point of view but let us start with the most obvious, the idea that you can get all of your students to show up on time, bring their books, and be prepared? You’ll be lucky if they even buy the books rookie! This imaginary fantasy student that you speak of is much like a cat that you train to use the toilet. Everyone has seen a clip of one on Youtube, or heard of a friend of a friend who had one. However every cat you ever have will just pee on your bed and crap in your plants."
But some were down right mean. I would have cried if I had posted the question and got the following responses, and I almost cried reading them even though they weren't directed at me. Here is the worst of the meanest:
"*Here's my response: Dumbass."
"*I absolutely know how to get ALL my students to come to my classes on time, every time. They love it so much they want to be there even AFTER class is over! But since I am most likely one of the lousy professors you had, focusing on minutiae (which, you dipshit, is necessary in my field), I am not going to fucking tell you the secret."
"*Just get your shit together, and teach. Given the desperate narcissism of your post, I can see why your students don’t come to class. I probably wouldn’t, either."
And one that was fairly condescending, but redeemed by offers of scotch:
"* It's so cute to see naiveté bud and blossom. When the students kick cynicism into your veins come on over to my house. I'll save some scotch for you."
There are more posts there, but my response was most strongly to the mean posts. If I could have written in to RYS, it would have sounded something like this:
How quickly you forget. We were all new at this game once. Some of us are new know, desperately tying to find our way, to do a better-than-good job, to get tenure or a job that we can stand, to feel good about our day, to find happiness in a job that we suffered through a decade of college to get. Why are those past this newbie stage so willing to cut the throats of the ghosts of their former selves? For me, RYS has to be a place where I get all the things my job doesn't provide me. I need this virtual water cooler to make me feel better about my day (love that smackdown), to laugh, and to find solace. When I see people with such vitriol, it breaks my heart and spirit. Don't ruin a good thing and consider giving a handout (instead of a bitchsmack) to those that follow in your footsteps.
So here is the letter I was going to write in (a bit expanded for my blog's sake):
Recently, a young professor posted this --basically a request for help and advice. Were her ideas a bit Pollyanna at times (wanting students to view the course as more than just a course), a bit naive at times (expecting there might be a way to get all students to show on time, every time), and a bit misguided (wanting the students to think she is cool)? Yes. And I felt those things as soon as I read her post. At its heart, these aren't the worst things. A bit Pollyanna is better than cynical and bitter, right? Naive and optimistic must be better than pessimistic, right? And weren't we all misguided at the start? It was only from sage advice from those who came before us or getting through that first semester we taught that helped us realize that students didn't need to like us to learn or that them liking us might actually make things worse.
This post stirred up lots of feelings in others as well.
I wanted to share some of my reactions to the responses because it is the responses that made me almost write in (not the original post). I am going to include some snippets (or flava) of the reactions below:
Some gave helpful advice:
"* Some if not many of your students will feel your class is important. Others won’t. There’s not a hell of a lot you can do about it. Show you care about the material and they’ll come to their own conclusions. Some students are on this earth to recycle air. You won’t reach them. So what? Focus on the majority of them who really are worth a damn and ignore the ones who aren’t." [I love the phrase 'on earth to recycle air']
"*Every class is going to be "just another class" for most of the students in it. That doesn't mean you can't teach the shit out of it. No one ever, in the whole history of everything, ever seemed even "a little cool" by wanting to. You don't have to be cool to teach your students. You don't have to be cool for them to like you."
Or practical advice:
"*Make it a portion of the student's grade to submit, each class, a question or comment from the readings for class discussion. This will require that they do at least some of the reading. Some students still will not do it. Some will take the lower grade, and some will make up stupid questions 5 minutes before class. But, you will be able to tell who those students are and grade them accordingly."
Some addressed the misguided posts with harshness and humor:
"*There are so many things wrong with your point of view but let us start with the most obvious, the idea that you can get all of your students to show up on time, bring their books, and be prepared? You’ll be lucky if they even buy the books rookie! This imaginary fantasy student that you speak of is much like a cat that you train to use the toilet. Everyone has seen a clip of one on Youtube, or heard of a friend of a friend who had one. However every cat you ever have will just pee on your bed and crap in your plants."
But some were down right mean. I would have cried if I had posted the question and got the following responses, and I almost cried reading them even though they weren't directed at me. Here is the worst of the meanest:
"*Here's my response: Dumbass."
"*I absolutely know how to get ALL my students to come to my classes on time, every time. They love it so much they want to be there even AFTER class is over! But since I am most likely one of the lousy professors you had, focusing on minutiae (which, you dipshit, is necessary in my field), I am not going to fucking tell you the secret."
"*Just get your shit together, and teach. Given the desperate narcissism of your post, I can see why your students don’t come to class. I probably wouldn’t, either."
And one that was fairly condescending, but redeemed by offers of scotch:
"* It's so cute to see naiveté bud and blossom. When the students kick cynicism into your veins come on over to my house. I'll save some scotch for you."
There are more posts there, but my response was most strongly to the mean posts. If I could have written in to RYS, it would have sounded something like this:
How quickly you forget. We were all new at this game once. Some of us are new know, desperately tying to find our way, to do a better-than-good job, to get tenure or a job that we can stand, to feel good about our day, to find happiness in a job that we suffered through a decade of college to get. Why are those past this newbie stage so willing to cut the throats of the ghosts of their former selves? For me, RYS has to be a place where I get all the things my job doesn't provide me. I need this virtual water cooler to make me feel better about my day (love that smackdown), to laugh, and to find solace. When I see people with such vitriol, it breaks my heart and spirit. Don't ruin a good thing and consider giving a handout (instead of a bitchsmack) to those that follow in your footsteps.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Countdown is on....
So, I think I have set my schedule for next semester. I have a really full teaching schedule 16 hours in the classroom + 4 office hours + various meetings, etc. The scary part for me (cause 2o or so hours is do-able) is that 2 courses are new--one will be heavy prep. I can't imagine being able to be ready for that course in under 5 hours a week.
I have one day totally free (save stray faculty meetings)--and miracle that it is the day allows me a three day weekend as needed.
I have two days where I am in class what appears like indefinatley.
I have two days where I only have 2 hours of commitments.
I am going to try to get to Gym every day.
Feeling stressed about the schedule already.
I have one day totally free (save stray faculty meetings)--and miracle that it is the day allows me a three day weekend as needed.
I have two days where I am in class what appears like indefinatley.
I have two days where I only have 2 hours of commitments.
I am going to try to get to Gym every day.
Feeling stressed about the schedule already.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
How long does it take to fix a computer?
My computer has been at my schoool's IT department since before Thanksgiving. Seriously? How long does it take to get my computer fixed.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Random Nighttime Thoughts
- It has almost been a month since my last post. I have had a lot to say, but been so busy and so scared and stressed to blog.
- Update: Mountain Man turned in latest major assignment days late--I am still grading the classes work, but his looks sub par. Of course, Mountain Man has decided he wants to take an advanced course (based on the current course) with me next semester. It is like he is a plant trying to drive me crazy. Also in the class has Snotty McKnowItAll in it. Snotty has told me to my face that she "doesn't get much out of going to class" and can "learn the material better on her own". She has failed to turn in major assignment 2. It is getting so late that technically it is worth 0 (or negative, can I give negative points?). If I am feeling nice, I might still accept it, but she has really screwed herself.
- My office computer crashed. The IT department has it. It is really cramping my style.
- I applied to a few schools--maybe 7-8. Of those, I could be excited about 3-4. One is very exciting--I will call it Nearly Dream Job, NDJ. NDJ is near hometown city, near friends and family, larger than TBU, more research focused, and near a major city. I know friends that have worked there and loved it, the facilities are gorgeous. PFKA told me he spoke with someone there about the job and he said the job could be perfect for me. I am not sure what it means that he 'talked to someone about the job'--I don't know if he was laying the ground for my application or just generally asking about the job.
- The rambler gave a colloquium--it was sooo boring, methodologically unsound and ironic. I cannot get into details, but it would be the equivalent of the Enron guys giving a lecture on Ethics, Exxon talking about environmental issues, Britney lecturing others on parenting. It is part of the "forced fun series" our department has initiated. So now we must 'get to know each other'
- I have a lot more on my mind, but it is getting late and I need to go to bed. I have been pretty sick over the past few days and needs lots more rest.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I have so much on my mind
What do I want to blog about first?
I guess what I am most angry about should go first. I read some blogs frequently, but I am religious about my reading of Rate Your Students. I am climbing an uphill battle with some students and I feel better when I realize I am not alone and that I don't have it as bad as others. That having been said, a recent post has me pretty pissed. This post argues that Junior faculty should just suck it up and be happy where they are and not do their respective schools a disservice by looking for and taking a better job. WTF? Really? That is the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard.
What about fit? When I was on the job market, I couldn't have a conversation with a faculty member or administrator that didn't mention 'fit.' It is arrogant and self-focused to assume that a person could choose a job that is a perfect 'fit' for them after a brief interview (some of mine were less than one full day, all were less than two full days). It is not just the interviewee on his or her best behavior. The faculty strategically pick who should interact with the interviewee, putting their best, brightest, or perhaps least orny faculty members into the limelight. And the students we meet on interviews are always top 5% students, the best, the brightest, the most involved and not necessarily the most representative. Labs are cleaned, offices are straightened, and everyone is polite. Then you arrive on the job and within a year experience this, this, this, and of course my melrose place drama, summed up here. What I bought when I took this job is not what was advertised. I should get the opportunity to evaluate the 'fit' from my end. Hell, I am evaluated by every student that shows up to the day I pass out evaluations in every course. My chair and dean pour over these evals scrutinizing every word to decide how good of a teacher I am overall. That means the worst of my students get equal voice to my most respectful students. Just this week alone, I had a student call me a stupid B!T@H. This student gets an equal voice in evaluations that my chair takes to heart. Further, I am observed in roughly 10 hours of teaching time each semester. Finally, I am on a one year renewable contract. You guys here at TBU evaluate me and decide if I get to keep my job every year. The administration meets with every member of my department individually to discuss my (mainly) pros and (very few, thankfully) cons. So you are doing plenty of evaluation about me--Why don't I get to evaluate you? Why don't I get to make the decision each year if I stay--you get to voice your decision each year about if you want to keep me?
I left hometown city to take this job. I left every friend I have (almost all are within 4 hours of hometown city), I left a thriving social life where I actually got to date and enjoy the company of men, I left my family. I started over new somewhere alone. I think sometimes people forget how hard that is to do when you are alone. I didn't have a husband to help unpack and I spend each Friday and Saturday night alone. TBU is located in the tinniest town in the world (that, of course, is an exaggeration). But it is not an exaggeration to say that I can count on one hand the number of single men in this town (not counting students, because that is against the rules, and because YUCK). I have less than 3 friends in town. You would think with such a small, safe, quiet little town, everyone would have been knocking on my door bringing me vegetables from their garden or pie. How many people have came by to say hello to me in the years I have lived here. Zero. Not one. Not a single neighbor. You get the feeling that it is high school all over again (not high school for me, which I enjoyed because of the dear friends I left to come here--more like high school stereotypes with the cliques and unfriendliness and loneliness--lifetime movie high school). Everyone has friends and there is no need to let the new kids in town play in your sand box. So I have no friends here and no chance at any dating or social life.
So the person who wrote the post in question at RYS said this:
" [I] let loose on some selfishness I saw among a group of junior faculty who were spending a good deal of time congratulating one another on working in tenure track jobs while slaving like mules to get better jobs in more attractive situations - close to Mommy, warmer weather, a place where their own peculiar preciousness will be admired by all."
Kiss my ass! There. You want to 'let loose' on someone like me--go for it, because I have been pushed around enough. Now I get to let loose. If I want to be closer to my family, Ill do it. When my dad went to the hospital last week because he collapsed at work and people thought he was having a heart attack--I was over 25 hours away. There was nothing that I could do. I couldn't help my mom, and I couldn't be there--It was like I wasn't even part of the family. How dare you criticize someone for wanting to support and be close to those they love. My parents are partially responsible for my getting through graduate school and in my family we take care of each other. It is what we do.
I don't want my 'peculiar preciousness to be admired by all', but some fricken' courtesy would be nice. Don't scream at me in front of my department (happened this semester) and don't call me a stupid B!XCH (a student on Monday).
Most 'non-junior' faculty I know are not at the first position they took. How quickly they forget. They went back out on the job market and found a job that worked for them--but I am supposed to stay in a place that I am unhappy both personally and professionally. I am a lot of things, but I am not a masochist and I am not that weak.
I guess what I am most angry about should go first. I read some blogs frequently, but I am religious about my reading of Rate Your Students. I am climbing an uphill battle with some students and I feel better when I realize I am not alone and that I don't have it as bad as others. That having been said, a recent post has me pretty pissed. This post argues that Junior faculty should just suck it up and be happy where they are and not do their respective schools a disservice by looking for and taking a better job. WTF? Really? That is the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard.
What about fit? When I was on the job market, I couldn't have a conversation with a faculty member or administrator that didn't mention 'fit.' It is arrogant and self-focused to assume that a person could choose a job that is a perfect 'fit' for them after a brief interview (some of mine were less than one full day, all were less than two full days). It is not just the interviewee on his or her best behavior. The faculty strategically pick who should interact with the interviewee, putting their best, brightest, or perhaps least orny faculty members into the limelight. And the students we meet on interviews are always top 5% students, the best, the brightest, the most involved and not necessarily the most representative. Labs are cleaned, offices are straightened, and everyone is polite. Then you arrive on the job and within a year experience this, this, this, and of course my melrose place drama, summed up here. What I bought when I took this job is not what was advertised. I should get the opportunity to evaluate the 'fit' from my end. Hell, I am evaluated by every student that shows up to the day I pass out evaluations in every course. My chair and dean pour over these evals scrutinizing every word to decide how good of a teacher I am overall. That means the worst of my students get equal voice to my most respectful students. Just this week alone, I had a student call me a stupid B!T@H. This student gets an equal voice in evaluations that my chair takes to heart. Further, I am observed in roughly 10 hours of teaching time each semester. Finally, I am on a one year renewable contract. You guys here at TBU evaluate me and decide if I get to keep my job every year. The administration meets with every member of my department individually to discuss my (mainly) pros and (very few, thankfully) cons. So you are doing plenty of evaluation about me--Why don't I get to evaluate you? Why don't I get to make the decision each year if I stay--you get to voice your decision each year about if you want to keep me?
I left hometown city to take this job. I left every friend I have (almost all are within 4 hours of hometown city), I left a thriving social life where I actually got to date and enjoy the company of men, I left my family. I started over new somewhere alone. I think sometimes people forget how hard that is to do when you are alone. I didn't have a husband to help unpack and I spend each Friday and Saturday night alone. TBU is located in the tinniest town in the world (that, of course, is an exaggeration). But it is not an exaggeration to say that I can count on one hand the number of single men in this town (not counting students, because that is against the rules, and because YUCK). I have less than 3 friends in town. You would think with such a small, safe, quiet little town, everyone would have been knocking on my door bringing me vegetables from their garden or pie. How many people have came by to say hello to me in the years I have lived here. Zero. Not one. Not a single neighbor. You get the feeling that it is high school all over again (not high school for me, which I enjoyed because of the dear friends I left to come here--more like high school stereotypes with the cliques and unfriendliness and loneliness--lifetime movie high school). Everyone has friends and there is no need to let the new kids in town play in your sand box. So I have no friends here and no chance at any dating or social life.
So the person who wrote the post in question at RYS said this:
" [I] let loose on some selfishness I saw among a group of junior faculty who were spending a good deal of time congratulating one another on working in tenure track jobs while slaving like mules to get better jobs in more attractive situations - close to Mommy, warmer weather, a place where their own peculiar preciousness will be admired by all."
Kiss my ass! There. You want to 'let loose' on someone like me--go for it, because I have been pushed around enough. Now I get to let loose. If I want to be closer to my family, Ill do it. When my dad went to the hospital last week because he collapsed at work and people thought he was having a heart attack--I was over 25 hours away. There was nothing that I could do. I couldn't help my mom, and I couldn't be there--It was like I wasn't even part of the family. How dare you criticize someone for wanting to support and be close to those they love. My parents are partially responsible for my getting through graduate school and in my family we take care of each other. It is what we do.
I don't want my 'peculiar preciousness to be admired by all', but some fricken' courtesy would be nice. Don't scream at me in front of my department (happened this semester) and don't call me a stupid B!XCH (a student on Monday).
Most 'non-junior' faculty I know are not at the first position they took. How quickly they forget. They went back out on the job market and found a job that worked for them--but I am supposed to stay in a place that I am unhappy both personally and professionally. I am a lot of things, but I am not a masochist and I am not that weak.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Mountain man disappoints again
So, mountain man, you continue to disappoint. After a particularly sucky performance on your first major paper (no understanding of style (despite the multiple lectures and book devoted to this topic that you were assigned to read), grammatically poor writing, unclear, failure to do the necessary components of the paper (that were neatly summarized in a handout for you), you set out to work on the final paper for the semester. I instructed all of the students, you included, to choose a topic that was related to course material (my area of expertise). You have decided to ignore this request despite my warnings that I could not do you as much good as a guide to this paper if I am unfamiliar with the area. To be fair, I cast a very wide net of things that were considered 'my area'.
Mountain man, why do you come to my office with questions ("How can I narrow this down?, Can I discuss this aspect of X component?, Is this a good hypothesis?)--This is an entirely novel area of study for me. After advising as best I could, why do you fail to take my suggestions.
I explain to you that you need to begin reading the articles that you have and you say you are going to find 20 more sources.
I explain that you should outline and summarize what you read as you go, and you insist you read all of the articles and then sit down to write the paper.
I explain that it is difficult to have a hypothesis for this paper if you haven't first read the literature that is out there, you insist as soon as you have figured out your hypothesis, you will sit down and work on literature review.
Are you trying to make my head explode. Just when I thought I had it bad, I found this post on RYS. Enjoy--it sure made me feel better about my difficult students.
Mountain man, why do you come to my office with questions ("How can I narrow this down?, Can I discuss this aspect of X component?, Is this a good hypothesis?)--This is an entirely novel area of study for me. After advising as best I could, why do you fail to take my suggestions.
I explain to you that you need to begin reading the articles that you have and you say you are going to find 20 more sources.
I explain that you should outline and summarize what you read as you go, and you insist you read all of the articles and then sit down to write the paper.
I explain that it is difficult to have a hypothesis for this paper if you haven't first read the literature that is out there, you insist as soon as you have figured out your hypothesis, you will sit down and work on literature review.
Are you trying to make my head explode. Just when I thought I had it bad, I found this post on RYS. Enjoy--it sure made me feel better about my difficult students.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I hate hate hate hate you, Student Academic Center
SAC,
You suck! I realize you are there to help students be successful, but how does screwing me over help in that regard. Several of my students qualify for your services for things, such as extra time or a quiet environment for test taking. I appreciate that fact, and are glad you are there to provide such services. But for Pete's sake, first, I have to ask you to make sure the students complete the test on a scantron (Despite the instructions on the exam which indicate what they should bubble in said scantron). Then for this second test, you send me 8 student exams--one written in pen (scantron won't read that) and 6 scantrons stapled to the test--why stapled? Are you trying to break the exam grading machine and my spirit with one fell swoop. I hate hate hate you.
Best,
Dr. Awesome
You suck! I realize you are there to help students be successful, but how does screwing me over help in that regard. Several of my students qualify for your services for things, such as extra time or a quiet environment for test taking. I appreciate that fact, and are glad you are there to provide such services. But for Pete's sake, first, I have to ask you to make sure the students complete the test on a scantron (Despite the instructions on the exam which indicate what they should bubble in said scantron). Then for this second test, you send me 8 student exams--one written in pen (scantron won't read that) and 6 scantrons stapled to the test--why stapled? Are you trying to break the exam grading machine and my spirit with one fell swoop. I hate hate hate you.
Best,
Dr. Awesome
Monday, September 24, 2007
PFKA is actually alive
Heard from PFKA. Responded to email (without doing what was asked). I am a bit frustrated the task I would like PFKA would literally take 5 minutes. It is a matter of attaching a file that PFKA has to me via email. The fact that PFKA has ignored this request for a month is maddening. The fact that a follow-up request was responded to with a "been very busy, hope to get to this request in next few weeks" response could make head explode off body. Finally, PFKAs institution (my alma mater) is hiring and PFKA is search committee chair which means that I will probably never hear from PFKA again. How does this fair for my job search status--not so good.
I am desperately trying to dig myself out of a hole. I had a partially sick, partially pity party two days last week where I accomplished nothing. I though it would allow me to start refreshed this week, but I only feel massively stressed and unmotivated.
I am desperately trying to dig myself out of a hole. I had a partially sick, partially pity party two days last week where I accomplished nothing. I though it would allow me to start refreshed this week, but I only feel massively stressed and unmotivated.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Countdown
The Rambler just came by, we are going to meet in a few minutes.
On a good note, dinner, a movie, and some shopping with 'Punky Brewster' (a friend I have yet to blog about) follows the meeting of doom.
On a good note, dinner, a movie, and some shopping with 'Punky Brewster' (a friend I have yet to blog about) follows the meeting of doom.
Melrose Place comes to TBU
So, the Rambler is a faculty member in my department. The Rambler is nice enough, although we never see eye to eye on things. My biggest problem is the Rambler doesn't support me on things yet constantly needs his ego stroked. For example, one of my students threatened another student. The Rambler has had this student in classes before and after I explained all of the drama I was having (counseling sessions with threatened student, discussion with the know-it-all (the threatener was also brilliant about everything all the time, just ask him), meetings with administration to discuss the issue...blah, blah, blah. The Rambler says to me, "I don't know why you have had these run ins with the know-it-all, he's always been great in my classes." WTF? Really? What does a student have to do to fall from grace in your eyes, Rambler? The Rambler implied in that conversation that I was responsible for the know-it-all's bad behavior. There were many other insane things the know-it-all did, such as walk out huffing and puffing during lectures, asking inappropriate (on many levels) questions, etc.
Anyhow, since sometime last semester the Rambler and I have had some disagreements. The Rambler suggested that I don't ask students to be quiet when they are talking during my lecture. Instead, he says, "When they finish what they have to say, they'll stop talking to their neighbors. I couldn't believe he would suggest that I let my students dictate when class begins or ends. So we don't see eye to eye on things. Fine. I don't use him for a model to aspire to, I don't consider him a friend, so no big deal.
A few days ago, the Rambler penned the direction of the department mission statement and was the party responsible for the latest rant . But now he has reached a new low. We (the entire department, plus members of administration) were discussing an issue. The Rambler and I disagreed. He then proceeded to yell at me, really yell, about how I knew nothing about what I was talking about and how I dare I say the things I was saying (my opinions). The specific details are unimportant. His freak out ended with the meeting being adjourned. While the others tried to say the meeting was over, he continued to yell at me over their statements. It was so Melrose Place, I half expected him to throw me into a swimming pool. I joke about it now, but he made me cry, embarrassed me in front of my colleagues and bosses. I meet with the Chair of my department today to discuss this and the Rambler wants to meet with me as well.
Like I needed another reason to join the job search?
Anyhow, since sometime last semester the Rambler and I have had some disagreements. The Rambler suggested that I don't ask students to be quiet when they are talking during my lecture. Instead, he says, "When they finish what they have to say, they'll stop talking to their neighbors. I couldn't believe he would suggest that I let my students dictate when class begins or ends. So we don't see eye to eye on things. Fine. I don't use him for a model to aspire to, I don't consider him a friend, so no big deal.
A few days ago, the Rambler penned the direction of the department mission statement and was the party responsible for the latest rant . But now he has reached a new low. We (the entire department, plus members of administration) were discussing an issue. The Rambler and I disagreed. He then proceeded to yell at me, really yell, about how I knew nothing about what I was talking about and how I dare I say the things I was saying (my opinions). The specific details are unimportant. His freak out ended with the meeting being adjourned. While the others tried to say the meeting was over, he continued to yell at me over their statements. It was so Melrose Place, I half expected him to throw me into a swimming pool. I joke about it now, but he made me cry, embarrassed me in front of my colleagues and bosses. I meet with the Chair of my department today to discuss this and the Rambler wants to meet with me as well.
Like I needed another reason to join the job search?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
My day so far + Random Thoughts
This morning began with a slew of emails in response to an email I sent out the day before. It's a long story and probably more detail than I want to reveal. Suffice it to say, things here at TBU are just that Tiny and Backwards. The status quo 'We've done it this way for 20 years' isn't a convincing reason to me. Dn't hire new people to 'bring new life to the department' if you don't want that 'new life' to accompany some changes on your part.
The heart of this problems is I am being micro-managed in who I implement a policy that I am in charge of implementing. Further, the policy was designed (and implemented) by the entire department last year and as such, complaints about it now fall on my very deaf ears. And DON'T scold me about implementing the policy as it is designed and as I (as the overseerer) see fit. Also, when you set out a plan that involves me and my students, but fail to tell me about it...don't then blame me for keeping you out of the loop.
I know that this doesn't likely make any sense, but I am so very pissed off.
Finally (really finally, at least about this issue), don't criticize me for being a person who is productive and moves things forward. This is my job, my career, my tenure expectations, my future. Just because all of you with tenure are content to sit on your asses and never challenge yourself (or your students) to be better, to be bigger, to be more doesn't mean that I will sink to your embarrassingly low standards.
I feel like developing a new serenity prayer for those of us in tenure track jobs looking for something more. But I will keep mine secular in nature.
"Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage (and vitae and luck) to find a job where I don't have to change the things,
and the wisdom (and patience and lack of bitterness) to hold out until I can get another job."
Certainly, it lacks a little elegance (or a lot of elegance), but its a work in progress.
The heart of this problems is I am being micro-managed in who I implement a policy that I am in charge of implementing. Further, the policy was designed (and implemented) by the entire department last year and as such, complaints about it now fall on my very deaf ears. And DON'T scold me about implementing the policy as it is designed and as I (as the overseerer) see fit. Also, when you set out a plan that involves me and my students, but fail to tell me about it...don't then blame me for keeping you out of the loop.
I know that this doesn't likely make any sense, but I am so very pissed off.
Finally (really finally, at least about this issue), don't criticize me for being a person who is productive and moves things forward. This is my job, my career, my tenure expectations, my future. Just because all of you with tenure are content to sit on your asses and never challenge yourself (or your students) to be better, to be bigger, to be more doesn't mean that I will sink to your embarrassingly low standards.
I feel like developing a new serenity prayer for those of us in tenure track jobs looking for something more. But I will keep mine secular in nature.
"Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage (and vitae and luck) to find a job where I don't have to change the things,
and the wisdom (and patience and lack of bitterness) to hold out until I can get another job."
Certainly, it lacks a little elegance (or a lot of elegance), but its a work in progress.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
PFKA (Person formally known as advisor) is off my Christmas Card list....
So after waiting over a month for some things promised to me by PFKA, PFKA finally gets back to me to say that the project is not worth continuing on. The project represents roughly 2 years of my work in graduate school....and up until this most recent comment PFKA has led me to believe this project is of value. I am so angry. Angry that PFKA made me wait a month after promised, angry that PFKA has washed hands of this project, angry that PFKA didn't give this project the attention earlier to address these problems (half of this data has been presented at conferences, so its frustrating to hear now that it is not a viable project).
I am in desperate need for my vitae to reflect my awesomeness and this is a huge setback. I hope I can get dream job this year and leave my job here at TBU. If not, PFKA will be shouldering some of my angst about being here another year. Either way, PFKA is off the Christmas Card list.
I just really need some encouragement, some support, someone to say that my research is worth doing and worth publishing. My mom (not that she knows anything about my research or publishing) says these sorts of things, but lately I have been avoiding telling her the really bad things that I have been feeling. She worries about me too much, thinks I am depressed. Shes probably right, and telling her my drama or about this recent advisor (former) email will only do one of two things: 1) make her worry or 2) make her give me some 'stiff upper lip/nose to the grindstone' pep talk and I just can't deal with that right now.
I have a 'school-friend' who needs a good code name who is pretty supportive and definitely can relate to advisor drama. I spoke to this friend yesterday and it helped. But I have been avoiding phone calls from other friends (2 non school friends) and sibling for the past few days. I tend to hibernate when stressed. Sometimes things suck so bad that I cant even begin to tell someone about it. To open my mouth about it would mean to lose it completely or get really angry and I almost don't have the energy to feel those feelings. Which leads me to today's quote from one of my favorite all time shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don't laugh at me, if you haven't seen it, you cant judge.....)
Buffy: My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.
It's really part of a much larger comment about how everyone is feeling pain and how people who feel like no one likes them neglect to consider that everyone is feeling badly.....blah blah blah. I should get some message out of that, some sort of "I am not alone" message, but I am content to stay in my crappy mood for now. Well, perhaps not content so much as stubborn. Regardless, I like the quote, I like the phrasing because...right now, in this moment, my life sucks beyond the telling of it. So I am giving myself 20 minutes to come up with some code names for my friends and then school sucks me back in (pun intended).
I am in desperate need for my vitae to reflect my awesomeness and this is a huge setback. I hope I can get dream job this year and leave my job here at TBU. If not, PFKA will be shouldering some of my angst about being here another year. Either way, PFKA is off the Christmas Card list.
I just really need some encouragement, some support, someone to say that my research is worth doing and worth publishing. My mom (not that she knows anything about my research or publishing) says these sorts of things, but lately I have been avoiding telling her the really bad things that I have been feeling. She worries about me too much, thinks I am depressed. Shes probably right, and telling her my drama or about this recent advisor (former) email will only do one of two things: 1) make her worry or 2) make her give me some 'stiff upper lip/nose to the grindstone' pep talk and I just can't deal with that right now.
I have a 'school-friend' who needs a good code name who is pretty supportive and definitely can relate to advisor drama. I spoke to this friend yesterday and it helped. But I have been avoiding phone calls from other friends (2 non school friends) and sibling for the past few days. I tend to hibernate when stressed. Sometimes things suck so bad that I cant even begin to tell someone about it. To open my mouth about it would mean to lose it completely or get really angry and I almost don't have the energy to feel those feelings. Which leads me to today's quote from one of my favorite all time shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer (don't laugh at me, if you haven't seen it, you cant judge.....)
Buffy: My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it.
It's really part of a much larger comment about how everyone is feeling pain and how people who feel like no one likes them neglect to consider that everyone is feeling badly.....blah blah blah. I should get some message out of that, some sort of "I am not alone" message, but I am content to stay in my crappy mood for now. Well, perhaps not content so much as stubborn. Regardless, I like the quote, I like the phrasing because...right now, in this moment, my life sucks beyond the telling of it. So I am giving myself 20 minutes to come up with some code names for my friends and then school sucks me back in (pun intended).
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Nobody likes me,. everybody hates me, guess Ill go eat worms
I have (and will continue) to be very vague and secret decoder ring-y in my blog. I have said so far that I live in Nowheresville, Northeast, United States and I am a pre-tenure professor. My reason for the secret decoder ring is that I am not happy here at Tiny Backwards University (TBU) and it is probably best that no one knows exactly where and who I am. I will say for now that I am definitely not an engineering professor. In my forthcoming rant, I will use engineering as code and will become obvious to all (especially those in engineering) that I am not an engineer and just using it as code.
I just received a memo with all the gumption of a mission statement ala Jerry Maguire. It said in short:
"Our school focuses on 'mechanical and electrical engineers.' Never have any of our students went on to do graduate work in 'civil engineering'. 'Civil engineering' is a small area of 'engineering' and as such we are right to focus most of our students on 'mechanical and electrical engineering'. Our students could never make it as 'civil engineers'. "
Now replace civil engineering with what I do and mechanical and electrical engineering with other areas of my field (which I admit make up a larger percentage of people in my field).
My question is: Manifesto writer (and head of the search committee when I was hired) why did you hire me? Why did you hire a 'civil engineer' if the direction this department is taking is to focus solely (with rare exception) on 'mechanical and electrical engineers.' If my area is so meaningless (to the students here and the direction this department is going), why did you hire me? Why did you tell me how diverse the faculty are here if most of them are really focused on 'mechanical and electrical engineering.' Why not hire another 'mechanical or electrical engineers' and have them teach 'civil engineering' on the side. Why did you tell me how excited you were to be hiring a civil engineer and how much you thought my research could involve the students into civil engineering?
I have never felt more under appreciated or undervalued and there is no doubt in my mind that this will not be the job I stay at.
I just received a memo with all the gumption of a mission statement ala Jerry Maguire. It said in short:
"Our school focuses on 'mechanical and electrical engineers.' Never have any of our students went on to do graduate work in 'civil engineering'. 'Civil engineering' is a small area of 'engineering' and as such we are right to focus most of our students on 'mechanical and electrical engineering'. Our students could never make it as 'civil engineers'. "
Now replace civil engineering with what I do and mechanical and electrical engineering with other areas of my field (which I admit make up a larger percentage of people in my field).
My question is: Manifesto writer (and head of the search committee when I was hired) why did you hire me? Why did you hire a 'civil engineer' if the direction this department is taking is to focus solely (with rare exception) on 'mechanical and electrical engineers.' If my area is so meaningless (to the students here and the direction this department is going), why did you hire me? Why did you tell me how diverse the faculty are here if most of them are really focused on 'mechanical and electrical engineering.' Why not hire another 'mechanical or electrical engineers' and have them teach 'civil engineering' on the side. Why did you tell me how excited you were to be hiring a civil engineer and how much you thought my research could involve the students into civil engineering?
I have never felt more under appreciated or undervalued and there is no doubt in my mind that this will not be the job I stay at.
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